Full Circle.

It’s Monday and I’m well thanks for asking. Meow.

Through a series of anxiety-fueled weekends I have been working, I can practically breathe now on my freed up Monday morning. The second half of year, and I seem to have experienced several epiphanies, a few of which:

• done deal. I moved back to the my adopted city, as in permanently, not for a quick 6-month to one-year layover layover while taking jobs, but as in bought a home a few ngesots away from where I used to live before all the havoc that is life pre-pandemic season. This is where I spent 3 years of my life in classes hating and realising I wasn’t cut out, or had the drive I thought I had at the start, for Computer Science. But anyway, it’s a nice home coming to life soon in 2-3 weeks once interiors are becoming less of a headache.
• also a done deal, my baby project Tiang must come to a full stop. What a great pleasure to dream to build a nomad community driven to create cool things at home, Lombok, right off the hyped Moto GP circuit surrounded by incredible beaches. There’s a few things I why it did not work at the end. Sometimes you have all the time in the world, but not the capital, other times it’s geographic limitations (one stuck in France, the other was in Sydney, or Jakarta), or just a landlord being landlord squeezing way too much in the midst of pandemic. Regardless I wish them well and I look forward to the better tomorrows keeping in mind that we are never defined by what chose to discontinue. Quitting often feels underrated anyways in the heart of our hustle culture.
• a few emigrating plans – also dropped. After considering and got ahead with paperwork of moving to, uh, between a North American city or down under (where it’s close to Lombok), we pulled the plug. Forgot why. I think, I had one too many big projects in my pipeline that I would not be able to afford had I executed the plan.
• in the pursuit of lost money by Sista. To my readers, new ones, please look up my life stuff (online) between circa 2020 to 2021 (?) lol jk. Anyways, to share context, this snake Balinese-Lombok girl ran away with shit ton of my money, with quite a shocking amount, at least to me, and I had done everything one would have done to pursue justice (which doesn’t always exist) legally, responsibly, and all the ly. Lawyers, debt collectors, court and judges, think I am ready to make peace with and close this chapter (but won’t shut up about it lol). At least of the IDR 600-700 mio, she paid back like IDR15 Mn or so (?) which was split to pay my lawyer again. lol. And again to help me cope, in many different ways, more and more friends opened up to me how they actually lost (even the unthinkable ones that seem so perfectly smart). So just stfu and start an Onlyfans, whispering to myself. Zen. Breathe. Forgive. Zen. Zen.

Every pause I get to take now, there’s this little ache begging for a release that I am very struggling to allow. Karma exists and the Universe always finds a way to make us pay back no matter fucking what, and reward us even in times we’re not bothered asking. Think you saved up a bunch of money after dodging and outsmarting the game? Nah, wait for all the sudden things you never thought might happen like that tax or your suddenly broken stuff. Shit just happens, always. You could mitigate the risk but it’s just life being life. After all, man are we not sitting out here wishing for the great perseverance that people before us had, to keep going, to make the move no matter how dark and uncertain tomorrow might be.

That is how I’ve trained my brain to think, I do not allow myself to sink deeper, that to get out of horrible situations, you just have to constantly make decisions – to swim in any direction and find your way upwards somehow, just one decision after another. I’ve learned it’s a muscle needing to exercise in difficult situations and I tok have learned that the decisions we make during horrible times NEVER HAD to be perfect. They should be good enough to move us from one phase to another.

In light of these events, life took turns for me too – yay nobody asked. I am now psyched to be in the middle of starting and running dream projects in: property, somewhat fashion stuff, then continue the focus in content creating, and still run the nonprofit Runcing with mission I still very much believe in. Hmm, those among other things. / hehe

Bottom line: excited to punch and kick and sleep and eat and punch again and all that repeat.