Warm Winter

This has been sitting in my draft for at least two months because…no idea…took too many fun rides?

Whenever I have the resources (time and money), between chasing my entrepreneurial dream, starting nonprofit for the country I could never leave, school and fun work in tech, I choose to rest my body and soul in Lombok in the summer (that is almost all year long), or head to the -15 degree Celcius of New York in the winter, both for the same purpose – family. Why? To slow down and sip the juice of life. While all of those dreams are still important, family comes first. No. Matter. What.

If I must rewind, parts of my memory are filled with these uphill climbs of every dream I have. They certainly help when it comes to jumping out of my bed most mornings or get that last sip of drink alone at midnight while recounting one day full of sweat and bloody amount of money I choose to spend to fund these crazy missions. It is fun to have the privilege to chase all that. But, there’s more to life, seriously.

Like these things:

-Playing with Zizi (my niece), teaching her how to comprehend stories she’s reading, what’s not to copy from sinetron she’s watching and what it means to be a tech-savvy 3rd grader in 21st century

-Cook carbonara with the right amount pancetta with your American mom for the first time

-Putting down the christmas tree with mom, hehe

-Burger and beer night with my american parents in a different state that is only 2 miles from our house

-Taking mama to the airport to send her off to Umra for the first time in her life

-Trying to talk to her through whatsapp while in Saudi just because she was too happy and spent 10 minutes crying, that she’s made it there, after everything

-pick her up when she comes back home to Lombok

-pack a big suitcase full of clothes I no longer wear to be passed on to the next gen in the family

-Not looking at my phone or laptop screen coz I’m too busy being a good listener to my moms. And god flight mode like this feels awesome!

-Listen to myself breathing in the morning and how beautiful the sounds of making coffee alone or water flowing in the sink. I just like quiet place.

-Planning what my sisters and I wanna do for mama after unlocking the big dream of going Umra. It’s exciting to see her smile like a kid who just got her ice cream

-Missed the ball drop coz u got wasted by stupid cocktail your american sister made for you

-Saw my future nephew at the ultrasound and how intense that was

-Listening to how excited your sister about her wedding or how much it sucked to get locked out of your own car because the door froze in the middle of stupid winter (and 911 was helpful in Watkins Glen)

-Driving in the snowstorm past midnight with your brother or played ‘is that daddy’ with who I call now as my niece in my thick asian accent

-Help pick a name for my other future baby nephew (and sorta force my greek/italian obsession in the process)

-Be a politically neutral mediator between my mother who had a little argument with my sister (me being in Jkt but the fight in Lombok made it tricky) 

-Plan the next vacation alone, or with annoying friends you care about

-Be like cool gentlemen at a bar with your pals, cracking up about bills and money and adulting issues

***

All I want is to be there. Be a part of their joy. And in times of sadness, hug them, or laugh with them. You know, to get a great sense of being prioritised.

I think I’m beginning to buy everything these ultra-successful folks said about family and their loved ones.

Life is too short to build an empire and spend some old, lonely days trying to take pride in accomplishments you can’t keep forever. But these, memories and people you dare loving with all your heart, will remain there forever. Even when the world gets too cold. They are the warmest to remember.