Things I Did Not Learn

I am nowhere near where I want to be. But I’d like to talk about the process I’ve been through as a 23 year old.

Everyday I wake up with a list I promise myself to deliver no matter what. That’s been something that keeps me pumped, challenged to continuously push the limit and walk towards the great length. That excitement often ignores what my body or mind thinks. You know I tell myself I need to finish xx laps within xx minutes in a swimming pool, finish 4km in 27mins, and then 26.5, or that long, complicated virtual meeting must end before minute 50, and earn this much $$ to be able to do that or this. I chopped off my 24 hours into these doable things in the non-doable circumstances sometimes. To date,  I have the luxury to remain productive wherever my feet could be (on top of Pergasingan Hill in Lombok?) or taking skype meetings from on an ojek in the midst of Jakarta’s merciless traffic or expected to speak in my calmest tone after a series of withering hours. At 23, having had the experience to enjoy some bits of privileged life and access to knowledge, it’s easy to think we know a lot of things, perhaps everything and be all cocky about it. I think for every know-it-all smartass there is a point when one is faced with tremendous confusion and I think it’s time to think how less we know about these stuff we claim to understand profoundly. The truth is we are new to this game. And the game is changing every day.

So, I did not know, or learn…

• how thick my skin could get until I’m used to asking for help, getting rejected a few hundred times. Coz I literally don’t give a flying fuck ever for trying. Hard.
• the greatest weapon one could arm themselves is endurance to handle people and difficult situations. That’s when people crack. And that’s the forte I’d like to hone.
• English is a tough language for a non-native speaker. It is not my base and there’s more than I know to explore in gaining the full advantage of it. I get belibet a lot too.
• fast-forwarding too much stuff in your head can get you terrible nosebleed and unbearable headache even after you get checked out and took prescribed drugs. People around you think you’re dying.
• pushing away people isn’t a good enough excuse to live a good life.
• there are too many BS mentors to ask for an advice from, too many BS conferences and programs to be a part of. Careful due diligence helps me avoid those.
• asking people for help or something comes with a great deal of everything. And it’s absolutely okay to walk away with nothing in our hands. Not easy but there’s no point of taking things personal.
• how a large number of people believe in the idea of silentness, of not taking part in the steering the wheel to the right direction. It’s like pissing at those people who died for what we have today – freedom of speech. 
• the only thing I need to worry in this universe is bettering myself in every aspect.
• at 23, you know less than what you think you know.
• discipline is hard and mannered in some ways. You just need to do it whether you like it or not until your brain gets the hang of it.
• a combination of yoga and swimming, or surfing (if you’re in the area where it’s doable for you), is not a terrible idea.
• sometimes a $50 dinner a person is part of playing the long game.
• there are certain things that can’t be ignored like celebrating important life events of the closest ones, solely because you want to be a part of their happiness. There’s something beautiful in that, I find.
• thinking of yourself as the busiest person on the planet is the dumbest idea. Just, stupid.
• you can get bored from reading topics you like, even that new stuff you just discovered. Bored from literally everything.
• to be fully connected to the loved ones through the internet is the greatest gift of modern technology. This may not work for those who think social media is a trashy place to be in. 
• not speaking or giving an answer to a simple question is one horrible mistake. This applies to business and love, or becoming a good citizen.
• loneliness can be too real sometimes. Not knowing how to channel it wisely is a start of possibly the unforeseen damage.
• be a good team player means a constant cycle of ‘I got your back’. You just know your turn.
• starting a non-tech startup is harder in 2017, especially in the year when everyone is so latah about tech. 
• being available 24/7 to the world is the realest key to making progress and apparently something I enjoy although I’m not a people person (my ex-gf thought I hated people).
• life’s a lot messier than it seems, especially if you’re in the journey of starting new ventures.
• there’s no need to feel special for something you know better. Share it to the wide world. Make it useful.
• to be a public person is harder. Unlike sitting behind a wall telling how stupid others people look from where they sit. There are many battles we know nothing about and it’s wise to respect every choice people make especially when they let the world see it.
• the cut I’ve made in my monthly expenses offers me a great deal of disposable income I could use for more and more shit I think is important (like planning a big plan for your mom with your siblings).
• upgrading my life from Lion Air lifestyle to Citilink or Sriwijaya comes with a great return of happiness. Next is to start mileage journey to those international airlines (when I have more money and a perfect reason to hehe).
• there’s too many rewards to count from not giving a flying fuck to things that really do not matter.

I’m learning to try, and retry.