Everybody Sepik

These are some of the most unforgettable lines I recognise in the last couple of months, said by friends, family, and me: 

Family first

“It’s time. I’m ready and I want my brother to be my custodian. See you in Lombok.”

“Hey, wake up, they said they’re coming to ruin and stop the wedding if I choose not to do the ritual. And I’m fucking afraid I don’t want them to ruin this day just because of this given name. I know where it ends. It’s not just that bride-price or mahr. It’s worse. I have my reason not to do it their way.”

“Okay, let’s call everyone and get prepared. You’re getting married tonight, not tomorrow.”

“Saya Muhammad Carlos, menikahkan kamu dengan kakak saya….”

Sent her off to a new life. There are two other friends who also got married that day

***

School

“Fuck this retake. I have to be at Binus in Jakarta Mon-Thu in the middle of everything.”

“I hate that I failed a class not because I suck at it.”

“And why is flying back costs me 3x the normal price? Same shit for three weeks. How can I afford this. FML.”

“So how much school do you have?”

“Why would you even do CS? Do like social studies.”

“But your GPA is fine right? 3.0 at least?”

“Just drop out.”

“You dummies.”

***

Werk

“As a partner, I will try to understand if your priorities change. It’s your call. Think it through.”

“Hey have you signed the agreement?”

“Check the drive and remember skype 10pm Jakarta time.”

“I’m sick of numbers. I think I really am sick. I wanna puke.”

“I’ve finalised the draft. Did you send the quotation? They’ve been asking.”

“Oh God carlos I thought you’re Ph.D student!

***

Lyfe 1

“I’m paying my two little sisters to stay in school. Paying the house bills. Send my mom some money. Not to mention I live in a city where they expect you to pay $5 for food with super low minimum wage. These responsibilities. I just can’t. I need a sugar daddy. For real. Help me.”

“There’s an app for that somewhere in Asia today.”

“Congrats for the marriage. So sorry I couldn’t make it.”

“I’ll file for divorce next week. This marriage no longer serves me well.”

“Wait what?”

“So….it’s positive. I’m overjoyed!! Can’t wait to flaunt this baby bump.”

“Mmh..this is my very first, uh, you know, like, same-sex relationship. I don’t feel comfortable sharing this with anyone. I’m not ready for what’s coming. I’m in deep shit.”

***

For Fun

“So you wanna build a school? What kind of school?”

“No, I’m not from Jakarta, but I do live there, for now.”

“Join the protest tomorrow 3pm in front of the presidential palace?”

“Where are we in setting up the yayasan?”

“How many children unschooled in this area?”

“Don’t be that jerk who makes social programs nobody actually needs.”

“So you really think we are that merdeka now?”

“Why do you wanna do this? There is no money in it. Besides, you’re still studying.”

***

Tak Berfaedah Talk

“Why don’t you start modelling or anything in showbizz you idiot.”

“I hate to be followed or known by a lot of people.”

“Yo hook me up with some chicks.”

“Ya yo ya yo.”

“Can I touch your hair and cut it? I hate it.”

“Are you seeing someone?!”

***

Lyfe 2

“Yes, I had a bad morning and I simply hit it. Now it’s just black. Stuck on the apple logo.”

“We cannot save your data. Or we can try some other tricks but you must leave it here in Bali at least for three days. Come back when you transit maybe?”

“She is the most valuable assets I have in this world right now. The plan I’ve been working on for the last two months is there.”

“1.3 Million rupiahs for one fucking Tera of hard drive?! Ugh. Okay.” 

“Sorry we cannot back up the data at all.”

“Nononono not after I bought that shit!”

“Alright my broken climac is worth 1/3 of the cost to fix it?”

“God just rob me.”

“Hey while you’re gone off the grid, you got problems with the absence.”

“I’ve managed my schedule very carefully 2 months ago. Damn the last time I attended the class I must’ve tapped my card too early so my attendance didn’t count. Mother system. Oh Lord.”

“The lecturer didn’t even take the damn attendance.”

“So all the efforts, those freaking expensive flights, and every single string I’ve pulled just went to waste?”

“So I’ve completely lost my scholarship now?”

“The tuition fees is due within one week. Next time you wanna be careful.”

“Allahuakbar.”

“Hey can I go first my flight takes off in 20 minutes, please? Sorry.”

“No you did not miss that flight. Don’t tell me it’s the same story like mine.”

“Nothing beats those super slow check-in folks in Bali airport.”

 

***

Catching Up

“Anjir lo unfoll insta gw.”

“So how much do you actually make per month, like seriously I’m curious.”

“I thought you’re in Alor.”

“Hey can you give a talk in Manila? Next week.”

“Still liking consulting firm?”

“These insurance companies are killing everything about me I have no life.”

“Yes, yes, I’ll go to Lombok. Let’s hike, surf, everything.”

“No, can’t leave the country this year. So much to do.”

“Gosh my boss knows you! How’d you know these people?”

***

Facebook and its kind

“Malaysia sucks.”

“Dear Indo friends, we are similar.”

“No, noone talks about the flood in India.”

“I’m so grateful I won this, this and that.”

“Please everyone grow the fuck up. This is none of your business.”

“Hey world, I’m travelling here I’m so privileged but I fail to realise it.”

“I cannot believe she is 6 now.”

“This is what I ate today.”

“I love you.”

***

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