10 Years Later

I have no idea when exactly ‘growing up’ took over. To me, this is how it feels:

It began with a series of birthday parties at houses, restaurants or villas their parents could afford. Now, they turn into weddings. In buildings. Across cities with different stories.

We were so busy changing Friendster themes. Now, playing with words and pictures on Linkedin.

We used to talk about the school we wanted to go to, someone we’re texting. Today, out of the blue, 10 of your friends are telling you they’re about to get married soon. All in one week.

10 years ago, I wore trousers, dress pants and people always told me I look older than my peers. Today, I prefer shirts with a big, brown bag wherever I go. And Swallow. 

We used to ask for money to buy silly things we liked to feel better. Now it’s the other way around. Sometimes life asks you to pay more than what you can afford. Funny how we begin to understand about struggle.

Starting a convo with ‘what r u doing?’ Style is no longer relevant with young adult lifestyle. In 2017, you’re supposed to know how to properly react when a random person sends a private message saying they wanna taste your body.

We’d save money to buy clothes our parents didn’t let us have. Now, some of us start their first purchase of their future assets from house to car. Blah blah.

We used to drink Teh Botol at the school cafetaria and god, even Coke was so expensive to me. Now, ocassionally, we share drinks we once promised ourselves to never touch. So proud to keep up with names and history of whiskey and wine. Or beer. Or how to properly drink each of that shit in a <insert drink> tasting event. 

We used to be full of dreams. Now, still are, only this time we have more priorities that stop us from going at full speed chasing those dreams.

I used to feel the need to be the smartest in the room no matter how brutally smart the person next to me was. Today, I’m afraid of all the things I know I don’t know very well.

For me, grades in school were everything – first rank and all that shit. That faded. Worse. I even hate the way most formal education functions in most places and the outcomes they wish to produce out of a system that usually sucks.

Travelling was a dream of many. I never thought I’d be a ghost the way I am today. It took me some time to realise being in different, dreamy places is no longer a matter of money. Time and priorities make everything 10x more expensive.

We used to go to the beach being afraid of the waves, now we learn how to dive into it, to love or even wait for the big ones to play with. In both literal and methaporical sense.

We used to think going out of town was such an incredieble thing to have. Now we’re supposed to react normal when our friends fly first class to faraway countries for a really short trip. 

We take roles in the class we were in, bio lab, scouts camp, student club, now we’re in charge of things that are sometimes beyond us. We call it as challenge.

It was haram to turn down any opportunity. Today, it’s ok to say NO and NO repeatedly. Managing priorities is everything.

10 years ago, whoever argues with the longest sentence seemed to amaze everyone in a group. Now, concise communicator wins everything.

Say, anything above $100 felt like a lot we could survive for a week. Now, that kind of money just, snap, gone in a blink of an eye for whatever reason we’re asked to understand in life.

Whoever wore the newest Quiksilver bag and owned newest Blackberry model was the coolest. Now, you never give a shit if you’re wearing the disposable shirt you got from a convenience store with flip flop as long as you’ve fed your brain and heart enough. You’re wearing self-confidence as your everyday outfit.

The form of responsibility I knew was to return the money I borrowed from a bestfriend before its due date. 48 hours ago, five years after my dad went away, I was left with a responsibility to let my sister marry the man she loves at home, where he breathed the last breath of his life.

The world presented to me 15 years ago, 10 years, and today feels so different, and yet so similar at the same time.