Tabs Open

If you ask me where I am today, I’m at zero degrees of longitude and latitude, figuratively and literally. My savings account seems to agree with me.

You know how you surf the web in multiple tabs through the browser? We have tabs open. Some choose one or two, others choose more, as many as we think we can handle. This is basically how I see people living their lives at full speed.

In one tab, some people have accidentally let themselves be worn out from the job they’ve learned hard to love. On the other tab, we’re fighting through our fears loving, trying to keep the so-called relationship afloat when the boat seems to have sinked in long time ago. This tab is special because not very seldom it ends up with someone taking that suicide jump from a tower. Nobody knows why. The problem is real. People who never had the experience to fail in love would think it’s stupid without understanding the shit some have to go through. The lucky ones have an extra tab open for the people they’re responsible for. This is for moms and dads, full of plans for the family, money, time, parents and blah blah. And here comes another tab that we leave open, where all the wacko dreams we hold onto, from academic pursuit, career, and all these realistic fantasies we force our cells in the body to believe in. When someone says she wants to build a rocket we believe it, coz why the hell not? We even let another tab open to worry and fight for others who don’t even share blood with us. Open another for people we deeply care about, friends and family, everything else that matters, we let them have a piece of us.

At this point of my life, I realized that I have had so many tabs open at the same time. Not that I have trouble focusing on each tab, it’s just I noticed how more expensive everything can be, also time wise. I’m still surprised at how much a young person like me struggles to afford every month to pay for his dreams.

Most people think life moves so fast with one or two tabs, and for few who have more tabs open, they literally drink life. We have no idea how high we’ve been. And I’m sure I’m high enough to even remember where I was two hours ago, what happened 15 hours, two days, or a week ago. I can’t remember how exactly I began growing up but I’m certain I’ve grown to the level I don’t even give a shit anymore about that zero figure in my savings account. That I couldn’t even afford a bottle of Aqua a few nights ago.

If the universe wants to rob everything I have. A stolen phone full of important data I haven’t backed up in a year. All money I’ve spent on the things that may seem crazy to others. Manage to look not to schoolish when it comes to work, and vice versa. I think I’m on the right track. I’ve been doing the opposite of what most people do in all groups I’ve been a part of.

If you’re one of the people I’ve shared my drinks and food with, you might have come across these questions only people like me would understand: why higher education is’t everything. Why being smart by grades is not something I’d ever pursue. Why I don’t like being packed in a box I could never fit by educational institution and be sent to one of those little boxes in Jakarta, Singapore, New York to work for something I can’t keep forever, like money (I know there are plenty of other cool jobs there but this is just how I’m angered by 98% of people I’ve talked to when it comes to money). Why I could never be bothered not having enough money to cover my ever increasing costs of living and dreams. Why I have so much time posting things on my social media and make the time to respond and meet people in person in the middle of everything. Even to finish this post when I can trade my time for something else, something that others define as ‘fun’. I don’t know why. But I’m glad to have been able to do all that. I can’t regret and will keep on punching the world.

However, these questions about why I do what I choose to do are no longer relevant to me. Perhaps too young to think about this, according to some people, but It’s just a way of Carlos living a weird life, believing less in money, more in what it could bring him in a year, 5 years, 10 or more later. The result is there in my head. The process, the grind and all that suffer, is what’s supposed to be enjoyed. As I’m getting rid of people who still think money is everything in this world that grants them an excuse to do whatever the hell they want, I’m deeply thankful for the endless support that came in my way in any form that helps me walk across a thousand lands. I’m thankful to still be able to learn from anyone I know even the best in their field. A smile is enough, even better, someone telling me I’m gonna make it to whichever end I’m seeking. At the end, without being too native, I want to be able to help as many people as I can with whatever the hell I have in my pocket, my heart, my brain, my every fucking thing. Because the world has shown me how to through the people who came across my life.

I’m in the middle of everything right now. The engines I’ve left in the garage are ready to rock the world. 2017 is full of excitement and surprises. A line of cool people have come up to me to express their interest to help me punch the world through kinds of fun things I’m building. I can’t wait to share the fun with you. I’ll keep on updating everything here, on this very self-centered blog.

I just want to remind my future-self know that today, and every time I hit this bottom point in this cute short life again, is the one moment that life is worth squashing.

Keep those tabs open. Whatever happens.