[draft] in-transits gate 30;

The stepping back could get a hundred times harder when you’re busy living at high velocities. the hard crave to be left alone and self-reflect romanticising the process can feel unattainable. but now that my roaring twenties chapter and the reign seemingly due for an upgrade. the urge to ask yourself a million questions is still there whether you have got all that life stuff figured our or not. or simply escaping our natural instincts keeping up with childhood bestfriends who was named the Asia’s Forbes 30under30, or them spending every other month in different country, launching new business every three months, or to achieve varying levels of success, however you want to define it, none of it is easy when we’re used to this imaginary age line of reaching thirty. Or forty. But uh, screw that.

And whatever the hell that imaginary age line can be, it reminds me of how we get to choose to be present in our fullness every few years. To be in full circle in order to pour, to gather and release. There are a few things in life that remind to be full – my fullest – and that do so with such a natural joy that I trust it, like spending midnights writing reminders to myself about the lengths I’ve walked and crawled.

I began documenting my journeys and thoughts here since more than a decade ago, so it only feels ethically fair that I write about my voyage towards thirty club.

I remember being 19 sharing bottomless cups of coffee and drinks with people whom I called as mentors and thought to myself, oh god they’re getting 30 and have to stick to the paths they picked for the rest of their lives and the itch in me to follow their every path. I was innocent then to believe all the facade realising all these people older than me are in-transits just like me with an ever-evolving end goal. Mind you I have been starting and running ventures (or work with) always with individuals 5-15 years older than I am for particular reasons.

I spent measurable amounts of time cracking the code of how the age factor plays a crucial role in the ways they talk, they behave, they respond to their life questions, emotional maturity, their perceptions of themselves, how far their sense of humility extends, and many more. I’m that obsessed with my attempts of being self-aware. And the winding process, more faces and minds and paths I’ve interacted with, the more I am convinced there is literally no universal formula for life. It is what you make out of it today. You can certainly leave the old life and start anew when you have the privilege. Pursue all the things that our insomnia brains tell us. Take that advice. Or don’t at all. It’s a whole free game rules set by you only.

And the hidden process it took to be greatly appeased to be here today and NOT worried sick about the ‘could’ve been’. Some random things I picked up this year:

• the acting class, take on new instrument, learn bartending, more about men beauty retails and fashion, and expand into other sports bye
• almost went back for 9-5 at a large public company for a prominent role because that’s just how privilege of access and network could give people like me. But no I did not end up going for it for many, many reasons. And I know now why god protected me.
• cut off closest valuable individuals. “Who wouldve thought?” Or limiting more and more access. Feeling like I can be both genuine and transactional.
• I welcome my competition in every game I step my foot in to. I no longer feel the need to step back deprioritizing my own interests (both in business and personal) just because the people pleaserness kicks in again. I know my prize what Im worth and how hard I’m ready to play.

On a side note, if you buy into the idea of God’s existence but whoever is in charge controlling the energy in this universe is beyond me, and believe me I am surprised to hear this come out of my mouth. Some nights you whisper the things you don’t usually tell human beings, they listen and could truly manifest their ways into your life. Idk how else to write about this part so you wont feel weirded out. But like, have faith, something, something bigger than ourselves, that you are everything you need for the fate you want. However big that can seem.

my takeaways fresh out of the oven wuld be:

get as lost as the 50 year-olds seeking their new fun toys 🧸

The same applies to how I don’t cling to particular jobs, people, places, and treat that like my end goal. Everything feels temporary and I’m in these transits awaiting for my next departure.

This feels like my layover. And I’m grabbing all that I can whatever fits my bag.